Straight Parents, Gay Children
Keeping Families Together
by Robert A. Bernstein
Thunder’s Mouth Press, 2003

Reviewed by Dave Parker

The 30^th anniversary of PFLAG is a fitting time for this updated edition. Former national vice president of PFLAG, Robert Bernstein has chronicled not only his own journey to acceptance and support of his lesbian daughter, but also the founding and continuing growth of PFLAG.

Moving stories of the founders and leaders of PFLAG blend with Bernstein’s story. These tales underline the ability of loving parents to work together toward acceptance of their children’s differences. Following their initial shock, guilt, and grief, all these parents have found their way to acceptance and respect for their special children. Their realization that this is still the child they love is the first great step. Most have gone on from this stage to help and support other parents through their early traumas and into the light and joy of truly sharing their children’s lives. PFLAG plays a major role in all their lives. Many have become staunch advocates for equality and acceptance of their own and all other such children into the larger community.

Straight Parents, Gay Children includes stories of celebrities, politicians (even the Vice President of the US), and religious leaders of many faiths who have faced and accepted homosexuality for themselves or within their families. These highly visible community and national leaders stand in strong contrast to the homophobia and hatred so apparent in the public proclamations of other church and political leaders. A new chapter in this edition is devoted to these celebrities and other leaders.

Toward the end of the book is a “Survival Guide.” It debunks the concept of guilt – that the parents “did something wrong” to make their child homosexual. This chapter presents arguments to overcome the shame and anger that usually erupt shortly after your child’s announcement “Mom, Dad, I’m gay.” You are led toward understanding and respect for your courageous child. And, if you are willing, you are led to publicly support not only your own child, but all who are subjected to marginalization due to their sexual or gender diversity.

Another new chapter in this edition, “Family Values,” discusses gay and lesbian parenting. In “The Unreliability of Stereotypes,” Bernstein discusses common stereotypes of policing, professional sports, and politics – where they are “…unmasked as, well, fairy tales.”

As author Bernstein points out, “If you have a gay child, you are in the very best of company.”